My Family Rocks! Sunday: The Beauty of Sex within Marriage, Family Night, & a secret family recipe ;)

Hello, dear ones. Well, I’ve finally caught up on post. I still feel weak as a kitten but hopefully I’ll get a protein shake soon & restore my iron etc. Today’s post is not for young children. This is my soap box so hang on tight. This blog is purely informational so please no debates in the comment area. I’m not here to argue. Take my words or leave them…up to you ;). But hang on because at the end of this post I’m revealing a secret family recipe.

I’m enjoying a new blog: To Love, Honor, and Vacuum by Sheila Gregoire

tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2012/03/marital-success-is-a-matter-of-attitude/

She wrote “The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex” which I haven’t read. But her blog shows a healthy view of Sex, the way God mean’t for it to be.

Most of you, like me, have been subconsciously taught by the media & society that sex is this naughty and nasty thing. Alot of women believe that sex is just for perverted men who only think with their sexual organ. We’ve heard that men need sex and women need romance and that sex is just a means to getting love. It’s sad how many people believe this. Many are on the streets selling their bodies to survive or because they were abused (kidnapped etc) and made to feel that sex was the only reason they were created….that they are worthless. Many give themselves because they want love….only to feel emptier afterwards.

(Pic removed in case of copyright issues)

I had a friend in Highschool who slept around. After she became a Christian I remember her telling me how hollow she felt….like she was just an object. It’s not just women though. I had a friend who was sexually abused by his father. It forever scarred him and distorted the way he sees men. He is now in the homosexual community and he has never learned how to embrace true masculinity. What he was taught as a child was sick and twisted. Children are bombarded with images of celebrities and models who have been airbrushed into make believe perfection. How can we compete? And those of us who are no longer virgins know the truth now. Sex is not like the movies. Romance is not like the movies.

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Women cannot compete with p-rn stars. By the way, if you read testimonies of ex-p-rn stars they share how fake p-rn is. How nasty it is and how many die of disease. It’s all done with cameras people. Real people DON’T have sex like that. If they tried they probably would end up in the hospital.

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(Pic of Taylor Swift without makeup. Go girl for being willing to be real!)

Men can not compete with fairy tale romance. I love fairy tales. I don’t believe it can ever be compared to p-rn because it doesn’t mess up the brain in a physical way like p-rn does (read the reblog I did about p-rn awhile ago: http://amberdover.com/2012/02/07/552/ ). BUT real men are NOT like fairy tale princes. The ONLY perfect Prince that will come riding on a white horse is Jesus Christ and He is God. Other men are only human and their brains do not work like women’s brains. Truly women are like spaghetti and men are like waffles. Despite what the feminist may say, we ARE different. It is scientifically proven that our brains are wired in different ways.

(Pic at fall festival. Chris is William Wallace and I’m a random Vulcan or Romulan..Star Trek stuff)

So if all of this is fake then what’s real? Are we just in for a life of misery and failed expectations? Should we just put up with whatever we get? NO! Our marriages may not be perfect but they can be beautiful. If we just let God write our love stories & change our perspective we can actually enjoy this life. Marriage takes work. Anything worthwhile will require sacrifice.

God created sex to be beautiful and to be between a woman and man. Within the bonds of marriage sex transcends the physical…it becomes spiritual as well….forever meshing two souls into one. It can become healing. Maybe you’ve only ever been damaged by sex. Darlin’, that’s because you experienced the counterfeit of true sex. You got the cheap copy. I pray one day you will find a Godly spouse and learn how it’s supposed to be. Godly sex may even bring about a miracle: a beautiful child in the likeness of your soul mate. I have only experienced that once but man it took my breath away. That miracle is almost six years old now.

You see, sex was never mean’t to happen with multiple people or with images in a magazine. Sex was made for one woman and one man to enjoy their love. It was mean’t to unify a couple. The world has messed it up and now many people (esp religious people) believe sex is dirty and evil. Ummmm God made sexual organs for a reason. He gave women a certain spot that has no other purpose but to bring pleasure. Seriously, this spot does not help in procreation. It’s only purpose is for pleasure. There’s actually a whole book in the Bible that talks about sex: The Song of Solomon. Sex has become the elephant in the room in church. The world is giving out all the wrong information about sex but the church is too scared to address the issue. Thankfully more people are speaking out in the church. There are some great resources out there.

When I was a kid I encountered a form of sexual abuse. Few people know the details & most of my family would be surprised this ever happened to me. The experience screwed up my way of thinking about sexuality. I’m not about to give details on a blog. I’m saying this to say that I understand what the dark side can do to our perspectives. I still have issues that I have to give to God every day because of that experience.

When I turned 17 I decided that I was going to pray for my future husband and I began writing letters to him before I knew his name. I gave these letters to my husband on our wedding night. I pledged to keep myself pure and to wait for God to send me a Godly man. It was through that waiting that God sent me Chris and our story is beautiful, written by God’s hand. Chris and I were both virgins on our wedding night and it was amazing.  I will never regret waiting. I just wish I had saved my first kiss for Chris as well.

You may think I’m crazy but I am a big advocate for not casually dating. I am all about courtship & preparing for marriage. Teens, if you’re not  in it for marriage then don’t date. Enjoy your childhood. Save yourself for that forever someone. I dated alot before I made the commitment to be happily single (til God brought my husband). I regret dating because even though I remained pure, I still gave so much of my heart to people I will never see again. I wish I would’ve saved ALL of my heart for Chris alone. I wish I had enjoyed being single and being a kid! I mistakenly thought I needed a guy to complete me. I was seeking love in the wrong places. Yes, God blessed the broken road but learn from me….skip the broken road…go straight for the prize ;).

My parents divorced when I was little and my mom dated alot. I saw how those relationships broke her heart time and time again. Only God knows the best person for you because only God knows the future and a person’s heart. I challenge all you single folks to read “I kissed dating Goodbye”, “When God writes your Love story”, and “Say Hello to Courtship” (by the same guy who wrote I kissed dating goodbye).

You can dismiss me if you want but I’m telling you I’ve LIVED these lessons and I’ve watched others crash and burn. I’m 27 now but I remember those days very well. Kids thought I was weird “dating” God and all (meaning I was committed to focusing on God and not dating guys). But where are they now? How many hardships have they encountered because they chose the world’s way? (A ton) I didn’t fit in with the other kids. I didn’t go with the “flow” and Praise God cause the flow led to misery. Please don’t follow people off a cliff.

Anywho, those last couple of years in Highschool I decided that I needed to become a woman worth marrying if I expected to marry a Godly guy. I read tons of books on marriage and relationships. I reached out to younger girls and I was mentored by older women (some in their 40’s, one was in her 90’s). I volunteered in the community. I wanted to be my name sake, “Amber” (Jewel of Purity). Yes I was scarred from my past but God could transform me. I made mistakes and God forgave me. God picked me up & I kept going. When God brought Chris I prayed hard…..we even postponed our wedding to make sure it was God’s will.

I had never expected to marry a soldier. I thought I would go to Bible college or meet a missionary. God made it clear he wanted me to stay put & wait for my man. I prayed and prayed and fasted and prayed if Chris was truly the right one. I did not want to get involved unless I was sure. I even asked for signs. God made it clear through signs and the peace in my heart that Chris was the one. We prayed together. We set boundaries so we’d remain pure. Sometimes we broke boundaries & had to regroup, ask for forgiveness, and do our best to stay away from crossing the purity line. It was hard & thankfully Chris was gone alot for the army. God truly protected us.

Even if you’re not a Virgin, God can still give you something beautiful. He can heal your scars and transform you into a jewel of purity. You can wear white with your head held high. I’ve seen it happen. I’ve read of ex porn stars that gave their life to Christ and God filled their heart with innocence.

(Click on the pic to see it larger. Please don’t copy or steal my drawings. Thanks!)

I’ve dealt with abuse and I know how you just want to feel innocent again. The world wants to steal people’s innocence. There’s a reason I read kid’s book and watch kid’s tv shows…..the adult stuff is too full of lust. I WANT innocence. I want to see things from the eyes of a child. And I do. Sometimes I struggle but when I stay in God’s word He gives me new perspective. He restores my innocence over and over.  Sex can be beautiful. Educate yourself about how it’s really supposed to be.

Okay I’ve taken up alot of your time. I want to issue a challenge to all the families out there or even couples: plan a family night once a week and avoid tv, the cell, and video games. Go for a walk or play board games. There are SO many things you can do that don’t involve electronics. So far our family nights have been eating at the table (sometimes with candlelight), Chris reading devotions, praying together, and then playing board games/cards/dominoes.

My hubby isn’t a big game person so we’re going to start mixing things up…maybe go to the park. This coming Monday the plan is to break out the guitar and sing together as a family. I’m hoping it works out. We’re a very musical family. When my health improves I’d like to go geocaching. It just sounds neat ;). ANywho, please leave me some comments and let me know how your family nights go. I’m open for ideas too :).

Ok, lastly here is the big reveal! This is the recipe to my Dad’s famous blue-ribbon pancakes! I just added it to our church cook book but for the most part it’s been kept in our family. These are SO yummy! My Dad was an excellent cook. He learned from the best. My great grandpa was a famous chef up in New York. He owned his own restaurant and cooked for a President and for astronauts.  He taught my Dad everything he knew. I unfortunately didn’t learn as much. My Dad wanted me to learn all the measurements first and I rebelled. But I’m still a decent cook. Anywho, enjoy!

(Pic of my Daddy several months before he died)

Dad’s Blue Ribbon Pancakes
by Jim Way
1962-2009
Ingredients:
2 Cups SR flour
2 tbsp sugar
2 eggs lightly beaten
1 1/2 cup milk
4 tbsp vegetable oil
2 tbsp maple syrup
2 tbsp honey

Directions:
Preheat griddle to 350 degrees
In large bowl, combine all ingredients
stir until mixed well
Beat for 30 seconds with wire whip
Use 3/4 cup batter for each allowing plenty of space for them
flip pancakes when bubbles cover the top and brown
Note: for extra-light, tender, and fluffy pancakes turn before bubbles break and turn 1 time only.
Serve with your favorite toppings.
If thinning of batter is necessary, use water

Well, God bless and remember The High King Lives! ~Amber Dover

PS: Men you are mean’t to be heroes…warriors…princes. Women you are princesses….warrior princesses even….you are mean’t to be strong vessels of light. Don’t let the world tell you, you are anything less. Yes we are different. We were never mean’t to be exactly the same. But we all have purpose. We all have worth….just because we are. God loves his creation. He loves you…just as you are. Don’t become plastic….be yourself 🙂

0 comments on “My Family Rocks! Sunday: The Beauty of Sex within Marriage, Family Night, & a secret family recipe ;)

        1. I believe it’s possible to be pure and wise….but I do realize that esp kids who don’t know about the dangers out there….they can be naive. Little girls who dress like 20 yr olds and they don’t realize there are so many predators and perves. I plan on being real frank with my son right before he hits puberty. I think the wisdom will protect his purity. I really think setting good boundaries can protect the naive. I’m thankful that my Dad kept out the wolves most of the time. Sometimes a close friend can do the same by telling you there opinion of the person. If all your friends think the guy is a creep or he’s isolating you from them….well they’re prob right. I think purity does take wisdom…..you have to be smart and know how to guard your heart & mind….you have to be careful what you let into your soul..media wise….and know the signs of an unhealthy relationship. Reading helps alot…. 🙂

      1. You’re absolutely right. I will make sure my children won’t be as naive as I was 20 years ago. At the age of 21, I had never dated, never fell in love, and never had any discussion about “life”, so I was very naive, and fell in love with the first person I met.

        1. Yeah it’s so good to know the facts so to speak before getting into a relationship. I’d say you dealt with a dangerous extreme. I shelter my son from the harmful bullets out there but I’m not going to act like they don’t exist. I want to prepare him for battle…that’s the whole purpose of sheltering…..so when he does go out he will be ready to fight….he’s in training now. I’m sorry you didn’t get that training and I hope things are going well for you now. 🙂 You can use your experience to share with other girls…

        1. I read your post….darlin you’ve got to leave that. Find a woman’s shelter where you can be safe & no one will find you. You deserve better than to be abused. God never intended you to stay with a man who abuses. Please please leave him and go somewhere safe. You can do better than him. Staying is just allowing him to be unloving. Leaving is the most loving thing you could do for both of you. He needs to get anger management. This isn’t something to play with. My Mom was in an abusive relationship and she kept thinking she was in control until he about choked her. She called the police on him and removed herself from him because she was scared for me. She realized that only God could help him….she could not fix him. My aunt was murdered….shot twice by her own husband….she was scared of him but she didn’t leave when people told her too. Please please leave him. I don’t know if he’s ever actually hit you but verbal abuse is just as bad and if left unchecked it will turn physical. Please let me know what happens. I’m praying for you. True love looks like Christ…..not someone who screams at you. True love protects…..

    1. He is violent, and I have been many times in hospital due to the damage he’s done with beating. I mentioned few things in other posts. Leaving is not easy as I have no protection and I would lose my kids. I was almost killed last year. Thank you very much Amber <3 <3 <3

      1. dear you can be killed by staying too. Is there a shelter or church where you can talk to someone about this? Maybe they can give you ideas. With him being that violent it seems you could press charges and keep your kids. Do they belong to both of you? I am so sorry you are going through this. There has to be a way out. It’s not safe for your kids either. You may not be able to protect them from him. I’ll keep praying and I’ll read your other posts. ((hugs)) luv, Amber

  1. This is so great, thanks for sharing your story, for talking ‘real’, and for making such excellent points about our true value in Christ, and the importance of investing in relationships. Beautifully written.

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