Dear ones, I wanted to share a vulnerable spot in my heart, with you. Here’s a poem I wrote a couple years ago at a time that my pain and illness was really making me feel isolated and useless. Please don’t copy but you can share the link. The picture is an old Second Life pic from The Companion sim I think. I’m not sure if it’s still there but it was a beautiful place for the pic and it’s perfect that my avatar was sitting on a bed because I’m usually in the bed a lot during the winter when my pain is at it’s worst. Please turn on images because the poem is written on a picture below my gut pouring (scroll all the way down please).
Most of my posts are cheerful and busy. My melancholy side comes out in my poetry and I rarely share this with people. But I know it’s good to realize that bloggers are human. There is flesh and blood behind the pretty pictures. It is only by God’s grace that I stand at all. Please keep me in your prayers and my family. My hubby and I both deal with bad pain when the weather changes and also when there’s change in air pressure. The rain has really caused a lot of pain lately….him with his knees and shoulders. Mine all over but the worst in my fingers and a new thing, my elbows. Little man has pain too and I pray it’s just growing pains. His bones pop like crazy and that concerns me. It breaks my heart that Michael’s parents are so broken in our twenties. This is a time when we should be able to play with him but he gets more active play and exercise when he’s with his Nana and Grandad than with us.
Just some insight in to what I mean. I noticed a year and a half or more ago that the fingers on my right hand are slowly curving. More and more my right hand is becoming pitiful. A couple weeks ago during our family Olympics, I had to use my left hand to bowl some. It still hurt a lot to bowl but I tried to switch back n forth and keep the pain tolerable. I just pray my fingers will get better so I can continue to type. I’ve had to give up dancing (clogging etc..), choir, and family theater. I really don’t want to lose blogging. So of course I’m going to push myself and smile despite this pain. But it is an inward battle that’s outwardly invisible and a bit lonely to deal with. I thank God for my hubby who can understand. If we’re broken at least we can be broken together and understand each other’s limitations. He’s only a year older than me so he gets the whole feeling old but really being young thing.
I don’t want to be a downer but maybe this will help others who are suffering the same way. I know there is that pressure to put on a smile and keep trucking. People just can’t handle seeing suffering. I can understand that side too because I saw my Dad suffer bad before he died. It was very hard to be around him because you hate seeing those you love suffer. But I also knew that if I didn’t visit he would feel abandoned and that’d be selfish. Sadly, many people didn’t visit him because they couldn’t handle his suffering. It’s rough when someone’s feet is rotting off and the whole room smells. But I got to say that it’s harder for the person that’s suffering, in pain, and lonely. I’m thankful that I serve a God who was and is willing to get face to face with Lepers. He doesn’t mind getting his hands dirty. Thank you Jesus! I love you!
Now, finally…the poem 🙂. God bless & remember the High King lives! ~Amber Dover
PS: some of this will be cut off so you’ll need to click on the picture to read the whole thing :).