Dear ones, there are times that my curiosity and sinful nature lead me down dark roads but I know Jesus, the God who made the Universe, can bring light to the darkest places. I’m not here to judge your media choices but rather to share a testimony of how God brought me out of darkness.
This is a continual testimony that I share because even though I am a believer, I am still flesh and I stumble often. God is so faithful to draw me back when I stray.
I’m noticing a steady trend in modern media. It’s dark, depressing, and full of death. It reminds me of my life before I met Christ. As a child I was drawn to dark and melancholy things. The world was a scary place. Before my Dad became a minister he was a drug dealer and we had interesting characters in our homes. I was very sheltered after my Dad became a minister but before I was very unsheltered. I watched a lot of horror movies and the people I hung around were perverse (I’m talking kids at school….little girls etc). I was interested in the occult and read a lot of dark things. I was raised in Church but the darkness of the world was bigger than the light.
As a kid I had nightmares every night and I had a few demonic encounters. The scariest was when the blinds in my room started moving up and down on their own after I had watched Ghost Busters. The window was shut, the fan was off, and the vents were closed. There’s no explanation except spiritual. I will never watch that movie again because of that. I’m not saying the movies alone opened me up to the demonic. I believe my whole situation and the people I was around did. There was a battle for my soul and I know that Jesus stepped in and saved me from spiraling into more darkness. He heard my cries in the night.
Do I have occasional dealings with darkness, depression, and death as a believer? Yes, I slip and fall. I’ve gotten severely depressed before. But there is a big difference between now and before my conversion. Before I could not escape the darkness. It just got bigger. You see, I tried to cleanse my filthiness by hurting myself…slapping myself…choking myself. Every time I would curse I would slap myself. But I couldn’t atone for my sin. I couldn’t see the light. I just got darker.
I don’t remember this completely because I blocked some of it out but my Mom told me what really happened. As a kid, there was a boyfriend of my mom’s that had mental issues from Vietnam etc…He claimed to be a Christian but he was psychotic and tried to hurt her, He was a wolf in sheep’s clothing. I only have bits and pieces of this memory. But there was a night that he started yelling and saying that we were all hypocrites and none of us Christians. I was not a Christian at the time but I thought I was because I went to church. My Mom was a Christian though. Anywho, I thought I was in the car crying but I was actually outside with him as he held up my arms and pretended to “crucify” me to show how Jesus died while he yelled at us. All I remember was crying and saying over and over “It’s not true”. I was scared to death of Hell. My whole life was controlled by intense fear.
But when I truly met Jesus, there was a peace. It wasn’t about escaping Hell. It was like meeting this person that I had always thought was far away. All of a sudden He was real and loving and Jesus wanted to take me out of the darkness because He loved me. I couldn’t get out of the darkness on my own but He could set me free if I just let Him. I just had to chose Him. I couldn’t do it before because He hadn’t come to me yet. The Holy Spirit has to draw a person and He knows when a person is ready to accept Him.
As a believer, I go to Jesus who is the Light and He chases away the darkness. I can’t do it on my own. I just have to fellowship with the Light. There are times that I stumble. Recently, I let my curiosity and sinful nature draw me to a dark and melancholy tv series. I thought about saying what it was but I believe it’s wisdom to be vague. I’m not here to be your Holy Spirit.
Anywho, I watched two episodes and felt like I had been spiritually slimed. I literally wanted to vomit. The series twisted the Bible like crazy and was very full of darkness and the demonic. I regretted watching any of the series and I felt that old familiar feeling of fear and darkness. I know that I don’t want to EVER go back to that darkness. God keeps me so I won’t. Still, I must be careful what media I let into my soul. It is a distraction and a tool of the enemy. I confessed to God, and asked that He would help me to run far away from that type of media anymore. I made a promise to myself and Him that I’d not even take a peek at media that has even a hint of darkness like that.
It was a lesson that the enemy knows my weakness and I should be on guard. I don’t want to open myself up to fear and depression again. The times that I have indulged in these curiosities I’ve opened myself up to oppression. I’ve had weeks of waking up in fear each night…at times screaming. Not everyone is as sensitive to these things but for some reason I always have been. Because I have seen and experienced such darkness and then on the other hand seen God’s miraculous light just chase it away by one name, Jesus, I know without a doubt the TRUTH of the gospel of Jesus. I’ve seen Him change people that I didn’t think could be changed. I’ve seen him bring peace to my very messed up and OCD ridden mind.
In third world countries the spiritual world is very visible in certain areas. Demons are known and worshiped. But I’ve noticed in the U.S.A there is a different kind of spiritual battle. It’s often invisible. We don’t see as many spiritual things here…dark or light. But behind the scenes there is a battle still going on. I see it in the media everyone is drawn too. Have you noticed how the occult is so popular in books and t.v.? It began slowly and has progressed to full blown. Supernatural interest is everywhere. Spiritual slime…
I’d think that a world in such seemingly chaotic times would want to surround itself with peppy media. But no. Everywhere you turn it’s about death, depression, and darkness. Everyone wants to talk about the Apocalypse..whether by zombies or natural disasters. It’s like people realize that things are getting darker and they have no control over it. The movies are full of that one guy or group that can save us all from the end. Maybe he’s human or maybe supernatural.
I praise God that we don’t have to rely on a man or monster to save us all. There is one savior for mankind and he’s not a politician. I praise God that I can’t save myself. I would be the one who trips at the wrong moment or something…sorry Spock, I pushed the wrong button…the Enterprise is going down. Dwelling on the darkness and imagining how we can magically save the day won’t do us any good. Worrying ourselves over the news won’t do us any good. Putting all our hope in governments and the kingdoms of men won’t do us any good. One thing I’ve learned from World History is that everybody dies. Man can’t become a god and we can’t live forever.
But I’m telling you that the Kingdom of Jesus Christ transcends this physical life. Now the Bible is clear that one day Jesus will physically return to this earth and make a new Heaven and Earth where He will rule forever in peace. There will be no more death, depression, and darkness. Mankind will be cured of it’s sinful curse. Until then, I have peace that even if I die I will have God’s light and truth. I no longer have to walk in darkness.
So I ask God’s help to walk with Him and to run far far away from the darkness that the world swallows up so easily. The momentary pleasure isn’t worth it. I choose the light and I pray you will too. May Jesus find us all faithful when He returns!
God bless & remember the High King lives! ~Amber Dover