In this Post: Join me for a Biblical word study of what it means to be a Titus 2 wife. Today we learn what it means to be chaste/ pure as a wife. Also, suggestions for unmarried ladies. No chastity belts, I promise! I have several links and helpful insights for this touchy subject.
Hello, dear ones! If you’re new, pull up a chair and join us. We’ve been learning about the qualities of a Godly woman as described in Titus 2.We are focusing on what older women are to teach the younger ladies. I will give links to the previous four studies at the end.
I’ve been digging into the original Greek, which adds layers of depth to the Biblical text. You can do this easily with a lexicon or a Strong’s Dictionary. I recommend that you use both. I share what books I like best in the first post in this series, which again will be at the end. Let’s look at God’s living word! Make sure you have a Bible (or look one up online) because we will be looking at several verses.
Part 5: Purity (Chastity)
Titus 2:4-5 KJV
“4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to LOVE their husbands, to love their children,
5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”
- When I think of the word chastity (being chaste) I conjure up this medieval image of chastity belts. It doesn’t sound pleasant and the word “chaste” definitely seems strange for married women. Married women are not virgins. I can see how “chaste” applies to other young women and I wholeheartedly agree that unmarried women should abstain from sex. Clearly, God wants husbands and wives to have sex though. It’s great fun and it’s the best way to procreate.
- However, I do believe that the word “chaste” applies to married women in this verse, not just unmarried ladies. We see the word in the middle of the command to love our husbands and to be obedient to our husbands. So how can chastity apply to wives? If we take a closer look at our keyword we will see it isn’t always about abstinence.
- According to my Hebrew Greek Lexicon, Chaste means innocent, clean, pure, modest, and blameless. Strong’s says the same. Thayer’s says “pure from carnality”.
- We know from scripture, that sex purely between a husband and wife is completely innocent, pure, clean, and blameless. So no worries wives! God wants you to have amazing sex with your husband. It was His idea! Marital love making is a beautiful bonding experience physically and spiritually. (1 Cor 7:3-5, Genesis 2:24, Genesis 1:28, The Song of Solomon, Hebrews 13:4)
- There are ways married persons can become impure. We will go over a few and some ways to prevent impurity. But first, let’s get back to the scripture and the meaning of being chaste.
*At the end of this post I will address wives who are struggling with normal pure sex because of past abuse or health issues.
- The Complete Word Study New Testament says Hagnos is “an adjective predominantly used to express freedom from defilements or impurities.” We get the idea that impurities enslave us, while purity is freedom.
- Hagnos is used several places in the New Testament. It is used in 2 Cor 11:2 of believers being presented to Christ as a pure virgin (spiritually). This simply means that we do not run after other gods. Our sole devotion should be to Christ, just as a wife is devoted solely to her husband sexually. The entire Bible presents a picture of God being a protective and jealous husband. When His people worship other gods, it is like they have committed spiritual adultery. Read the book of Hosea. It is eye opening!
- 1 Timothy 5:22 uses hagnos as keeping ourselves from being defiled by other’s sins. We aren’t supposed to start fights and join in other’s quarrels.
- James 3:17 tells us God’s wisdom is hagnos (pure).
- Philippians 4:8 tells us to think on pure (hagnos) things.
- 1 Peter 3:2 tells wives of unbelievers that their pure (hagnos) lives will be an example for their husbands.
- Lastly, 1 John 3:3 tells us we will be pure like God when Christ returns and gives us glorified bodies.
- The word “chaste” has a clear sexual connotation. Abstaining from sex before marriage is a Biblical teaching and I advise all young women to save themselves for marriage (Heb 13:4, 1 Cor 6:18-20) It really is for your own protection…not just physically but also emotionally. There is such a blessing of being a virgin when you get married. Chris and I were both virgins and I promise it did not negatively affect our honeymoon, rather it enhanced our joy. It’s nice to know that God approves and blesses sex within marriage. If someone loves you enough they will wait for you. If you had a bad start, God can cleanse you and heal your marriage.
- I also believe all women should dress modestly. Why advertise if you aren’t selling? More on that later…
Married women can be impure sexually in several ways:
- Committing adultery. This can be physical or even mental. Jesus tells us that lusting is the same as committing adultery in our hearts (Matthew 5:28). Porn is bad for marriage and for the brain. It affects your body like a drug and will make real sex difficult.
- Focusing just on yourself sexually. Sex is supposed to be a two-person act. When you focus just on your own desires and ignore your husband you are in sin. I won’t go into details on how this can happen, but you get the idea. Whatever is done in the marriage bed should be agreed upon by both and in accordance with the Bible.
- Emotional adultery is a thing. If we rely on another man (or these days even another woman) for the emotional needs that usually our husband meets, we are having an affair of the heart. This can happen with imaginary people too…namely characters in romance novels. I am by no means saying all romantic media is bad. I’m just saying be careful that you don’t give it a place it should never have. Real men can’t and shouldn’t live up to imaginary lovers, just like real women can’t and shouldn’t live up to porn stars and air-brushed celebrities. There’s no shades of gray about it…some movies and books are porn for women. These things muddle the soul.
- Bringing other people (physically or mentally) into the marriage bed. Didn’t I just cover this? I feel I should expound upon this because some couples think it’s okay to bring in others as long as they agree. I assure you that God does not agree with this practice.
Now, let’s talk a bit about modest dress. Modesty is a scriptural mandate, but the details of how to be modest are vague. Modesty varies from culture to culture. I believe the verse don’t be a stumbling block applies here. (1 Cor 8:9)
- 1 Timothy 2:9 modest (2887)~ orderly, of good behavior. Good behavior means you are not trying to tempt other men. When people look at you, they shouldn’t think you are a harlot because of how you dress. I expect more of married women than teenagers because we know what turns a man on. Young girls may be naive in this area. Us older folk, need to teach the girls how to dress right. Even their dolls are dressed like hookers! The world has taught girls to objectify and disrespect themselves. The above verse shows that God wants women to find beauty in their soul, not their outward appearance. There’s nothing wrong with dressing up, unless you put your sole value in how you look. Also, you will draw the wrong kind of men when you dress immodestly.
Young ladies...please…don’t be a stumbling block for all the husbands out there. Don’t be a stumbling block for my husband and my sons. My guys are wonderful and they do their best to look the other way when a half naked girl walks by. I taught my eldest to look at his shoes. If you are not a prostitute then please don’t advertise like one by what you wear. If you are a prostitute please honey, respect yourself. You deserve better and you are not a piece of meat. You deserve a man who will treasure you and not use you. I pray God will deliver you.
- As I said before, modesty is cultural. I’ve heard tales of missionaries bringing nail polish to paint little girls’ nails in Central America. When the children got back to school the teacher made them wash it off because nail polish was a sign of a harlot. Obviously, in the U.S.A. nail polish is completely innocent. In this case, however, it would be modest for the missionaries to not wear nail polish while in that country. This is a case of not being a stumbling block. It is a matter of respect. I’m not sure what country you are from. I have readers from all over. But you know what is considered inappropriate in your country.
- First, I advise you to pray and ask God if you are being immodest in any way. I’d do this often, because as you grow closer to the Lord your views on modesty may change. I know I was more immodest as a young adult.
- Secondly, think about what is inappropriate in your country, state, or city. Keep to what is appropriate so you won’t be a stumbling block. I say this for outside the home. How you dress in your house is between you, God, and your husband.
- Modesty is also an attitude of the heart. This article explains much better than I can:
I want to talk a bit more about lust. Lust simply means a longing for what is forbidden. We can lust for too much food and become gluttons. We can lust for money and become greedy. We can lust for fame. We can lust for attention. We can lust for sex outside of marriage. What we lust for becomes our god. Lust eats away at the soul like a cancer. When we indulge our lusts we aren’t satiated. Instead, we want more and more, until the pursuit of our lust brings us to ruin. It’s like how Gollum longs for the ring that destroys him (Lord of the Rings reference). Lust consumes you and robs you of the best in life.
1 Peter 2:11 KJV “Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul.”
Here’s an observation I’ve made about adultery and divorce. The affair doesn’t satisfy those in adultery. They divorce and leave their spouse and once again they find the person they are with, lacking. So they move on to yet another person. It is a vicious cycle of lust. Believe me, adultery is all about lust, whether physical or emotional.
Here is where I urge caution. You may not be sexually attracted to someone when you begin the path of adultery. You may start out deeply respecting the person that leads you astray. Maybe you think they are a good father or a great leader in the church? Maybe you wish YOUR husband was as great or as kind? Dear one, that is the beginning of lust and covetousness that leads to full blown adultery! Beware! If you are feeling this way, then do not be alone with that person. Like Joseph, RUN from temptation! Avoid the appearance of evil. Pray for God to help you be content in Him. Let God meet your needs.
1 Thessalonians 5:22 KJV “Abstain from all appearance of evil.”
- Sadly, this world is confused about sex. They’ve accepted the warped counterfeit version, instead of God’s beautiful plan. This corruption has led to disease and broken families.
I love C.S. Lewis’ description in Mere Christianity, of how the sex instinct has gone awry. Let me share a little.
“You can get a large audience together for a strip-tease act, that is, to watch a girl undress on stage. Now suppose you come to a country where you could fill a theatre by simply bringing a covered plate on to the stage and then slowly lifting the cover so as to let everyone see, just before the lights went out, that it contained a mutton chop or a bit of bacon, would you not think that in that country something had gone wrong with the appetite for food?” (pg 96 Mere Christianity)
“Everyone knows that the sexual appetite, like our other appetites, grows by indulgence. Starving men may think much about food, but so do gluttons; the gorged, as well as the famished, like titillations. Here is a third point. You find very few people who want to eat things that are really not food or to do other things with food instead of eating it. In other words, perversions of the sex instinct are numerous, hard to cure, and frightful.” (pg 97 Mere Christianity)
Clearly, something has went wrong. God made sex to be beautiful, but when sin entered the world it corrupted paradise. Satan loves to corrupt what God has made…including sex. Praise God, that He can redeem us from the worst impurities!
Lastly, we are to be mentally and spiritually pure. All three are connected. What you do in your body affects your mind and spirit. What you think affects your body and spirit. Your spiritual condition affects what you do and think.
- Perverse entertainment will affect your actions. Perverse thoughts will hurt your spirit.
Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”
*For those who are struggling with the holy beautiful act of making love to your husband, I have some help. There are many reasons a wife may struggle with sex: a low libido, former sexual abuse, self-esteem issues. I have had to deal with pain from things that happened in my childhood and I have Endometriosis, which both can make sex difficult.
Before I got married I had a lot of negative views about sex. I needed to get straightened out. This book helped me:
I also had to learn what Biblical femininity mean’t. The book Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul helped me.
Being a woman is painful when you have a disease like Endometriosis. It affects your self-image. Also, infertility issues can make sex a stressful chore when you are trying so hard to conceive. Don’t get me started on all the remedies that don’t work. You feel like a guinea pig. If you are struggling because of health, be encouraged. Sex is more than just a physical act. There are things you can do to help your love life.
- You need to be honest with your spouse about your struggles. Tell them if you are in pain. Communicate about what would make sex more comfortable for you. This is very important for your relationship.
- There are products that can make sex easier. It’s important that you get help from your doctor.
- When you are having medical issues, you may need to pleasure your spouse in another way besides intercourse. There is freedom to be creative within marriage.
- If your libido is low it may help for you to schedule times for sex, and ask your spouse to help you prepare early in the day. Try to think of your spouse all day and build up excitement for your time together. Sex for a woman is definitely mental.
- If you have a negative view of sex, it may help to seek counseling, or do a Bible study on God’s plan for sex. Love making is an important part of marriage and it is important that you have a Godly view of it.
- Remember that God opens and closes the womb. He will bring you children in His time. You can not force His hand. So relax, and enjoy your spouse. Don’t treat your husband as a vending machine. Plus, stress can actually kill sperm. I know this is easier said than done. Wanting children is a natural desire, but it can become a lust if you make childbearing your god. I had to learn this the hard way. When I finally let go, God brought my miracle.
- Also, remember that it is healthy for children to see their parents in love. If you deprive your husband because of your children, you will hurt your kids in the long run. When you love your husband, the love will trickle down to the children and help them feel secure.
- If you have been sexually abused, tell your husband. Share the hardships you face. A loving man will be patient as you work through your issues. It IS important that you work through your issues, though. Love making between a husband and wife if beautiful. The perversion you experienced was not the real thing. Don’t let Satan steal from you any longer. Give it to God and be obedient to not deprive your husband.
- Lastly, but really the most important, pray. Pray for God to help you in all of these situations. Prayer is powerful. I have seen God answer my prayers in this area many times. Sometimes I feel so drained from motherhood and housekeeping that I don’t even want to kiss my hubby hello. I feel like I’m offering my man, crumbs. So I pray for God to give me strength and desire. He answers my prayers. God is faithful!
God bless & remember the High King lives! ~Amber Dover
*If you are suffering because your husband is addicted to porn and/or rejects you, check out these articles:
Some interesting posts on sex within marriage. I highly suggest that you read all three posts to get a balanced view.
You can find the rest of my Titus 2 posts here: http://amberdover.com/category/homelife/my-family-rocks-sundays/marriage-my-family-rocks-sundays/the-joyful-wife-project/